i think its strange you never knew
by barricadebabes
Summary: Azelma has always had a thing for her best friend. [Azelma/Feuilly]


He walks into Azelma Thenardier's life one late August afternoon in her sixth year. She is sitting on the front porch steps with stained purple lips and sticky hands after having eaten the last grape Popsicle, swatting mosquitoes and listening to her father yell about losing his job as she waits for Eponine to come home from school. It feels like forever and Azelma is beginning to wonder if they will have any plates left to eat off of or if Papa has smashed them all when Eponine finally walks up the driveway with an unfamiliar boy trailing after her. Eponine introduces him as the new kid in her class and he sits down on the front porch step next to Azelma. Without saying a word, the three children listen to the shouting coming from inside the house as if Feuilly has always been a part of their family. As if he'd finally come home too.

The boy named Feuilly quickly becomes Azelma's hero. When Montparnasse and Eponine want to kick her out of their group for being a baby he is the one that reasons with them, reminding them that two years isn't too much of a difference and refusing to play with the other two until they let Azelma join.

He teaches Azelma how to tie her shoe-laces, helps her with her math homework, and has a habit of swiping peaches from the grocery store and bringing them to Azelma because he knows that they are her favorite.

One night the boy climbs through Azelma's window and as she wipes the blood off of his lip with Kleenex he tells her that his biggest fear is his foster father. As they curl up in her bed together she confesses that her biggest fear is her father too. Feuilly holds her close all night and never mentions it again.

Up until her twelfth year she considers Feuilly her favorite brother.

And then she turns twelve years old and things get confusing. Montparnasse and Eponine kiss a lot now, leaving her and Feuilly to fiddle with their thumbs and avoid looking at them. Sometimes she wonders what it would be like to kiss Feuilly. Would it be as frantic and messy as her sister and Parnasse make kissing look? Would it be rough and violent like the kisses between her parents? Perhaps it could be a passionate kiss like the ones on the covers of Maman's romance novels? Or would it feel like kissing Gavroche? She finds out during a Halloween party at the house of a girl Eponine knows, Cosette is her name. Azelma was hesitant about going but in the end Feuilly and her sister convinced her it would be fun. And it is… until a boy with curly hair and a large smile pulls out a glass bottle.

"What a good idea, Courf!"Another boy exclaims and everyone sits in a circle in the middle of Cosette's living room.

Feuilly and Azelma linger in a corner, unsure of whether or not to join in until someone insists that they play too. Soon the entire circle of adolescents is chanting Feuilly's name and gesturing for them to play.

Feuilly turns to Azelma and shrugs. "Do you want to play?"

She doesn't know what to say so she simply nods and he pulls her forward as the other kids cheer.

Courf explains the rules. First you spin the bottle and whoever it lands on joins you in the closet for seven minutes. He doesn't clarify what happens in the closet but judging by the giggling the others do, it's pretty clear what is going on.

First a boy with golden curls spins the bottle. It lands on another boy- one everyone calls Grantaire. Grantaire turns bright red but stands up and joins the golden boy in the closet. Cosette is the one who times them and when she shouts "Time's up!" everyone rushes to open the closet door. The golden boy is just as flushed as Grantaire now and his curls look tousled but he's smiling.

It goes on like this for a while. Courfeyrac gets his seven minutes in the closet with Jehan, Eponine and the freckle-faced boy are after them, and then the boy who broke some of Cosette's mother's china and the one that taps his nose often follow suit. Finally, it's Feuilly's turn to spin it and it feels as if the bottle is purposefully taking its time to land on anyone. And then it stops… on Azelma. Her heart skips a beat and then it speeds up when she realizes the moment she's been so curious about is finally here and she's not ready for it. She panics silently as the others push them into the closet.

Once inside, she can't bring herself to look at Feuilly and stares at the door trapping them together instead.

Feuilly seems to be uncomfortable too. "Well… uh. How are you enjoying the party, 'Zelma?"

She takes a deep breath and turns to face him. "If you want to, you can kiss me. I don't mind." For moment he seems taken aback and she fears that he might not want to kiss her. Perhaps she should have been more straightforward in asking for her kiss.

Suddenly Feuilly places one hand on her waist and uses the other to push a strand of brown hair away from her face.

"_Are you sure?" _He whispers a second before his lips brush over hers. It's chaste. Different than she ever imagined kissing Feuilly would be like, but it's sweet. After a moment his tongue begins to draw over her chapped lips and Azelma draws back in shock.

"Was that too much?"

She shakes her head and takes a step forward to kiss him back but just before she can, the door opens and his friends are all smiling at them.

Soon after the others get bored of this game and put on a movie about mummies and Brendan Fraser. It's not until halfway through the film and her bowl of popcorn that Azelma realizes she's just had her first kiss… and that she wouldn't mind receiving another one from Feuilly.

By the time Azelma enters high school she's got a serious crush on her best friend and everyone but Feuilly can see it. Sure, he buys her a red rose on Valentine's Day… but he also buys one for every single girl in his English class in an attempt to be nice. And he comes over to her house every afternoon… but he always has. Besides, he very well might be here for Eponine and not her. The thought makes her feel as if she's been kicked in the stomach and she tries not to dwell on it often.

Feuilly remains her protector and most considerate companion. He holds her close and strokes her hair the night she's stood up on a date for the first time and takes her out for ice cream and football games on Friday nights. Sometime during her sixteenth year she realizes that her feelings for Feuilly have long changed from a crush to love. She loves the boy that grew up to understand her better than anyone else, the one that feels her pain and anguish as if it were his own. He's the boy that makes her world a little less dark.

And he's leaving for college next fall. She knows she can't change the fact or ask him to stay in this small town any longer… but more than anything she wants to go with him.

It's during one of their Saturday ice cream dates that he suddenly asks the question. "Would you like to go to prom with me?"

She says yes, of course. Azelma Thenardier has always liked the idea of dressing up in a beautiful dress and dancing the night away with a handsome young man… especially one with red curls and soft hands like Feuilly.

Montparnasse helps her pick out a dress, a short beige one with ruffles on the bottom. Her sister says it makes Azelma look beautiful but she's still nervous. In her heart, she feels that this is her last chance to make Feuilly see her as something other than a baby sister… and somehow she doesn't think a dress is going to change that.

Of course, his jaw drops and he calls her beautiful when she opens the door on Prom night. Perhaps it's not a lost cause after all.

Prom ends up being boring, but that's not what she'll remember later. What she will remember is the way he convinces her to leave and takes her to the ice cream parlor they've been visiting for years. She'll remember that he convinced the owner to leave the place to the two of them for the night and strung up Christmas lights to make it look as if it were full of twinkling stars. She'll remember laughing over ice cream and that a Julie London song was playing when he asked her for a dance. She'll remember the way he smelled and the warmth that filled her body as she was being held in his arms. And Azelma will remember that after a few more songs he bent down as if to kiss her again… but instead planted a small kiss on her cheek and told her it was time to take her home.

The summer after that is both bitter-sweet and awkward. They spend as much time as they can together but he never mentions how dangerously close they came to kissing and seems to tense up whenever she tries to hug him. Azelma says nothing, of course. She's always been too afraid to speak up.

Feuilly and Eponine leave on the same day. As Azelma watches them drive off she remembers the first day Eponine brought him home with her, the day he became a permanent figure in her life. And now, after 12 years, he's finally said goodbye.

There are letters at first but those stop coming after a few months. His Facebook lets Azelma know he's doing well. He starts dating which she knows she should be happy about, but she can't help but feel jealous. After a while the feelings stop hurting so much and she's able to stop thinking about Feuilly all the time.

When he comes back home the next summer she's too busy with her own boyfriend to spend every day with him, but they hang out with Montparnasse and Eponine sometimes. It's different, though. He's changed and so has she.

By the time she goes to a university on the other side of the country their friendship consists of occasional conversations on Facebook and packages in the mail on special occasions.

He walks back into Azelma Thenardier's life when she's twenty-three and they are both spending Christmas at Eponine's house. He sits down next to her as she's admiring the Christmas tree as if he's always been there. And the truth is that he has.

They spend the rest of the next few days glued to each other's sides. ("Like old times!" Eponine laughs). At first it's with the intention of catching up on each other's lives but then they find that it's not necessary, they haven't changed as much as they though. His sense of humor is still identical to hers and she still understands perfectly when he wants to change the subject but is too polite to say anything.

The way Azelma can laugh at inside jokes and complain about her job with him is like coming home.

And that's dangerous.

She spent too much of her youth pining after him, she's not about to fall into that rhythm of loving him again.

And so she avoids him from that moment on. Anytime he tries to talk to her she turns to Courfeyrac or Grantaire and pretends to be engrossed in a conversation already. It hurts her to push him away, but she's never been more afraid of falling for that man in her life.

On Christmas Eve he drags her away from the party, just like he did at Prom so many years ago. A part of Azelma is telling her to ask him to stop. Another part of her is willing to go to the ends of the earth with him.

He stops in front of the door of the closet in Eponine's hallway and grins. "After you, Mademoiselle."

And for the first time, Azelma speaks up. "Feuilly. No. I don't know what the meaning of this but it's not funny and-"

Feuilly interrupts "Just get in the closet, Azelma. Please?"

She hesitates but opens the door walks inside. It's smaller than Cosette's closet was and both she and Feuilly have grown taller and larger so she's practically pressed against him. Suddenly there's a clicking noise and Christmas lights flicker above their heads… like twinkling stars inside an ice cream parlor.

"I didn't think Eponine would miss them." Feuilly says.

"Why are you doing this?"

Feuilly pulls her closer to him and brushes a brown curl away from her face. "Because I should have done this years ago."

He leans in to kiss her but pauses right before their lips touch.

"_Is this okay?"_

Azelma lets out a shaky laugh. "I've loved you since I was twelve. You can absolutely kiss me…if you want to, of course."

"I've loved you since I was eight. Of course I do." He whispers before kissing her.

And it's as if she's finally come home again.


End file.
